There was a time when i sat alone I thought about you and me; us. I loved to be around your arm and companion. I enjoyed the time we spent together, days, weeks and months. You were my best friend and my diary’s partner. I never thought I would lose you, no difference with others. Unfortunately, I lost (again). I was hurting, i spent countless nights to think “what did i do wrong? did i hurt you a lot? did i deserve this?” I waited for you till I understood that you didn’t want me anymore. I thought you would never come back. I was blaming myself, so I keep my distance to people around me. Just in case, I would probably hurt someone again and lose them. I can’t afford to be with anyone if what i see is “lose”.
Then after long story with silent. You’ve found me, the girl in frame. She was thrilled because she thought that she’s invisible all this time. She’s overwhelmed but she keeps thinking a lot. She loved you so deeply with her heart as her bestie, partner and everything. She scares, because of her presence you might be hurt and in pain again. When you left, she prayed for you; hoping that the universe will make you happy with or without her. And the prayer still for you until today: please be happy cuz you deserve the world with happiness.
I like you a lot and I don’t want “me” to hurt you.
And I don’t want “us” to make you in pain.
If the cost to make you happy is “i have to go” I will.
If the cost to keep your smile is “i have yo stay away” I will.
“you are the best that I could have, and i don’t deserve you” not today.
I mean it, i do.
-anggi
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